Fortitude
by MinorChords
Summary: Do we really know what Kate was offered to convince Jack to do the surgery. Season 3 spoilers JATE with very minor SKATE
1. Chapter 1

Okay, I know I said that Losing My Religion was going to get another chapter but I was wrong. I was listening to the song "Swans" by Unkle Bob (the song in the latest Grey's Anatomy episode, during the scene when Denny and Izzy sense each other) and this popped into my head.

Season 3 Episode "I Do": Do we really know what Kate was offered to convince Jack to do the surgery?

This is a little something that I envisioned (being the Jater that I am lol) occurring before Kate is brought into Jack (picture an interrogation room).I'm not too keen on the title I picked but I think it works. I want to make this a two-shot, maybe a three-shot but I'm not sure, so bare with me please :-) (All episodes included so you are forewarned)

The song that begins towards the end is "Swans" by Unkle Bob

Disclaimer: Don't own Lost, its characters or the song Swans

As always please read and review. It really helps me to know what I'm doing right and wrong.

Hope you Enjoy!!!!

_Fortitude_

Part 1

_All we really need to survive is one person who truly loves us_

_-Penny, (Live Together, Die Alone)_

"No" She knew she was in no position to make demands, but that did not stop the words from escaping her lips. She was firm and she heard it in her voice, a conviction rooted deep within.

"Kate," she sighed, as if talking to an uncooperative child. There was no expression on her face; it was plain and unreadable to Kate's disadvantage. "I don't mean to sound blunt, but you really don't have that much of a choice."

_There's always a choice._

His words echoed within her, shaking what ever stability she thought she had. There was nobody else in the room besides them but she had a feeling that she was being watched. Her senses were keen to notice this type of change in the atmosphere. _Yes, they're watching._

"Why can't _you_ tell him." It wasn't a question, but there was an unspoken curiosity in her tone.

"We've tried." The blonde woman attempted to make eye contact, but no; Kate wasn't going to give in. "But he won't listen to us."

"That's probably because you people have taken us prisoner," She was surprised to see the slightest flinch from the woman. Her words were registering on a level Kate didn't anticipate. "And besides, Jack doesn't like to be told what to do."

Okay, maybe sarcasm wasn't the best way to go, but the words escaped before she had time to process them, anger the fuel igniting these unnecessary flames. _And neither do I._

"You're right, he doesn't." She was turning the tables. "But do you want to be responsible for the death of the man you love….again."

_Tom_….

"How did you-," Kate looked incredulously at the woman before her, the tears in her eyes making the woman's blonde Lockes blend with her bare expression.

"We know a lot more than you think." She walked behind Kate's chair, circling the room. "About Tom, Wayne….and Kevin."

_This isn't happening. _She was beginning to lose herself, the conviction in her voice being replaced with defeat and disbelief. There was no explanation for why they knew the things that they did. The only person on the island who knew about her past was Jack. But even he didn't understand the half of it, let alone specific names. The woman continued to circle the room, like a vulture about to strike at its prey.

"Who are you people?" She asked her voice cracking with emotion. "Why did you take us? What do you want from us?"

_This isn't happening…._

"We're not monsters, Kate." She placed her hands on the table between them, her eyes seeking Kate's. "But you have something that we need."

_Why is this happening…._

"And we'll do just about anything to get it." Her words appeared just as she had intended them to, but Kate could see beyond her tough exterior.

"You need Jack because Ben needs the surgery." Kate said, finally getting a hold of her emotions. "I get that. What I don't get is why bring me and Sawyer."

The blonde woman looked at her as if she asked the world's stupidest question.

"Because we need Jack to do the surgery." Kate opened her mouth to speak, but Juliet continued. "And Jack needs _you_ to do the surgery….just like you need him to even be in this room right now….just like you need Sawyer to remind you of the consequences….just like he needs you to do the same."

Kate looked away from her, but she could still feel her eyes on her.

_I don't need anybody…._

"Strength, Kate." Juliet said, acting as if she revealed the world's greatest mystery.

_No, not strength….Weakness._

"I won't do it," Kate said, the emotion in her voice obvious, but she didn't care.

"Fine," Juliet said. "But like I said, do you really want to be responsible for the death of the man you love, Kate."

The initial shock of the parallel between then and now was gone, and the words were finally registering.

"No!" Kate said, her voice now urgent and raw with something she couldn't describe. "You wouldn't kill Jack. You need him to do the surgery. You said-"

"I wasn't talking about Jack, Kate." Juliet said, finding this not that surprising.

"Sawyer…." Kate said.

_Just like you need Sawyer to remind you of the consequences_

"You're bluffing." Kate said, having played this game before.

"You could think whatever you want Kate," The humane characteristics of her voice were now gone. "But that won't change the truth. Ben needs the surgery. And Jack said if he doesn't have it done very soon, he's going to die. Soon isn't a few months, Kate, its a few weeks. I'm a doctor too; I've seen the films-"

"Then why don't you do it!" Kate interrupted, matching Juliet's anger with her own.

"Because I'm not a surgeon!" Juliet yelled.

"Then get one! You guys have hatches and walkie-talkies, and interrogation rooms!" She slammed her tied hands on the desk in front of her. "I'm sure you could-"

"It's not….its not like that." Juliet sighed, obviously aggravated.

Kate looked away from the woman to the other side of the small square room, where there was a door. She didn't know if it was locked, or who was on the other side, waiting for her to slip up, but for a split second Kate considered taking the chance.

"You want to go," Juliet said, "Go. The door's unlocked."

"Go!" she repeated.

_Like you need him to even be in this room right now_

She caught Juliet's eye and noticed the raw emotion expressed. This woman wasn't a monster, she had just been with them for too long.

"But just remember, if you go." She continued. "And Ben dies, nobody will hesitate to kill Sawyer….and then Jack."

She wasn't bluffing, Kate was sure of that. The conviction in her voice matched her own when she had first been told of the situation.

She willed the fear that enveloped her entire being, her sense and sensibility, to leave, to go back to wherever it came from; but it didn't comply. It wanted her, in every which way; it wanted to go deep within her and shatter the one thing that kept her from falling apart. A demand she couldn't deny.

_Fear's an odd thing._

So Kate did the only thing she knew how to do.

_But only for five seconds…that's all I was going to give it. _

_1_

_**By my side**_

_**you'll never be**_

_2_

_**By my side**_

_**you'll never be**_

_3_

_**cause I'm fake at the seams**_

_4_

_**I'm lost in my dreams**_

_5_

_**And I want you to know**_

_**That I can't let you go**_

"Okay," Kate wasn't going to look at the blonde woman before her, whose name she still did not know. No, she wasn't going let her see what he did; what he does to her.

"I'll do it."

* * *

Please Review! Hope you enjoyed. 


	2. Chapter 2

This is the final installment for this fic. I was thinking about maybe making three installments (perhaps one w/ Sawyer's point of view) but I like how I ended this very Angsty so you are forewarned. Several quotes from other episodes too!

I know I keep promising Losing My Religion another chapter but honestly, I have like so many ideas I want to get in and its hard to get them all organized with all the timing and everything. I WILL get to it, but it may take me a while.

Disclaimer: No, I don't own LOST. Believe me if I did Skex would have NEVER happened. I also don't own the song (in **bold**: It is called Swans, by Unkle Bob), or the quote (its credit is below)

It took me a while to get the lyrics situated b/c I wanted to put some during certain scenes but I think it worked out okay.

A/N: I know that this is like way out of the box but hey, that's why they call it fan fiction. Personally, I think I wrote Kate very out of character but I was in a very sappy/angsty/romantic mood when I wrote this. Let me know if it works.

Enjoy!

* * *

Fortitude

Chapter 2

Love isn't a decision. It's a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler, but much less magical.

-Trey Parker and Matt Stone,

South Park, Chef Aid, 1998

She wouldn't tell her where she was taking her, but Kate knew that it would eventually lead to him. The bag came over head before she was ready for it, darkness engulfing her unwillingly. But she didn't fight it, forcing her natural instinct to stay hidden, giving them the power, the right. This was how it had tobe; for now.

She was gently nudged, and began to walk, attentively at first but then quickened her pace with the encouragement of her captor, who Kate presumed was still the blond women who refused to tell Kate her name. But for all she knew, the same man who had beaten Sawyer was leading her to her death.

_Sawyer...I hope he's okay._

They continued to walk, and Kate couldn't help but wonder if maybe they were leading her back to her cage. She said that she would do it, but maybe her decision was overshadowed by her initial reluctance.

No, they were taking her to him. They had to be.

And then suddenly they came to a stop and Kate heard what sounded like a solid door open. She was forced a dozen more steps before they stopped again. Her eyes adjusted to the light as the bag came off her head. However, before she could get her bearings on where they had taken her, she saw him, and suddenly it didn't matter where she was or who had led her there.

**By my side**

All that mattered was him.

**You'll never be**

He didn't look like himself at first, and she was afraid that maybe they had turned him into one of them. But then it was as if he realized who she was, and the tension immediately left his expression, replaced with unbelievable relief and joy.

He began to walk towards her and she couldn't help but do the same, her eyes never leaving his, afraid if she did then maybe he would disappear.

She impulsively reached for his hand, giving in to what she always denied, only for a moment, before pulling it back.

**By my side**

All she wanted to do was wrap her arms around his neck and bury her head in his chest, finding the safe haven she knew would always be reserved for her. Even just to touch him, to make sure he was real, but the glass barrier kept them apart, like everything else in their lives.

**You'll never be**

And then he braced his hands on the glass, as if wanted to get as close to her as he possibly could. It had always been this way, only now the barrier was real, and she would have given anything to go back to the way things were.

'**Cause I'm fake at the seams.**

She pulled her brown lockes behind her ears, still unsure of herself. He looked behind her for a moment at the blonde woman with pleading eyes.

"I'll give you two some privacy." The woman said, before leaving the room.

And then it was just them

**I'm lost in my dreams.**

They needed this.

"Hey" He said, like so many other times before it took Kate a bit of effort not to laugh at his greeting. "You okay?"

**And I want you to know.**

She smiled slightly, letting herself forget why she was there.

"Yea." She replied, looking into his chocolate eyes. "You?"

**That I can't let you go.**

"Yea I'm-" She saw the emotion in his eyes before he looked away, as if trying to hide it from her; either a result from being in captivity for so long, or seeing her for the first time since on the docks. He was trying to protect her and she wanted to tell him that he didn't always have to be so strong. "I'm great."

**And you're never coming home again.**

She decided that she'd let him have this and nodded.

"Where are they keeping you?" He asked.

"Outside." She replied. "In a cage."

He nodded, as if trying to absorb the information. "Sawyer?"

"He's in a cage too." She said, her mind briefly wondering to the southerner. He let out a soft sigh. "They're making us work."

"Work?" He softly shook his head, confused. "On what?"

"I don't know what it is." He searched her eyes as she spoke." But its big."

He then looked behind her to one of the cameras in the corner of the room. She had no doubt he had about a hundred possibilities running through his mind, because that was her first reaction.

"We're hauling rocks and-" But he cut her off.

"Hey," He said, letting his emotions slip. "Did they hurt you?"

**And you're never coming home again. **

She couldn't believe what she was about to do to this man; to this beautiful man before her, who was almost as stubborn as she was. She was about to betray him and he was asking her if they hurt her. She wanted to tell him but he wouldn't understand, just as she wouldn't have had the situation had been switched.

She couldn't look at him, because then he would see everything she didn't want him to.

_Please forgive me, Jack._

"Kate, hey" He looked at her, trying to seek her gaze, as she let out a soft sob."It's gunna, its gunna be alright."

_No it isn't. It'll never be the same. I'm sorry._

"It's gunna-"

**By my side**

"Jack" But she cut him off, her voice almost a whisper. She looked at him straight in the eye. He desereved at least that. "you have to do it."

"What-" His voice softened.

_There's no backing out now._

"This thing that they told you to do, this operation" He was looking away from her now but she had to continue. "She said that if you do it-"

"What did they do to you?" His voice was urgent and there was a fire in his eyes unlike before.

"Jack" _Please understand_.

**You'll never be**

"What did they do to you." He raised his voice.

"Nothing." _It's what they're going to do to you! And Sawyer!_

"They how did they get you to ask me!" He was yelling now, just like when he found out about Tom's plane, only now something was different.

"Jack please." She was beginning to lose her composure.

"What did they offer you!"

**By my side**

"Nothing." It was slipping too far.

"Then what are you doing here!"

And then she fell

"They're gunna kill Sawyer!" She isn't sure why she didn't meniton what they would do to _him_. Maybe it was because she knew that if she mentioned his name he wouldn't do it. He wouldn't have a reason to, knowing that it was his life on the line. He wouldn't understand. Or maybe she was just scared. Of him and herself, and everything that they may never be.

**You'll never be **

He looked briefly at the cameras before walking away, turning his back on her and what she just did to him, bracing his hands on his head as she let out a soft sob.

This was it. Things would never go back to what they used to be. But if it ment keeping him and Sawyer alive, it was something she would have to live with.

"I am so sorry but she said that if you to it and if you do it soon that they would let us go." It was a lie, but she didn't care. It was the only way.

**I wanted to tell you I've changed.**

He braced his hands on the glass barrier just as he did before, only this time his muscles were flexed with anger.

"And you believed them." She could see the tears in his eyes, as he looked at her with disbelief and shame.

**I wanted to tell you that things would be different this time. **

She saw him, through his deep chocolate eyes, she saw the man she was about to leave betrayed and broken and for once she wished that he could see her, like so many times before...

* * *

**I see you**

"If that had been me, I think I would have ran for the door."

"No, I don't think that's true. You're not running now."

* * *

"I want to tell you what I did." 

"I don't want to know"

**

* * *

You see me**

**differently**

"I'm doing something….I'm sinking"

* * *

"It belonged to the man I loved." 

"Stop lying!"

"I'm not!"

"Stop!-"

"It belonged to the man I killed!"

* * *

**I see you**

"Guava seeds"

"What's a garden without guava"

* * *

"I'm sorry" 

"Are you?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm not as perfect as you. I'm sorry that I'm not as good!"

"What's going on with you?"

"Just forget it."

No, don't walk away from me-"

"Let go of me"

"No"

"Just"

"Kate, Kate-kate-kate-kate"

"Don't I-"

"It's okay. It's okay."

"This place. This place is crazy. I can't, its driving me nuts."

"I know it's okay. It's alright."

* * *

**You see me**

"I'm sorry I kissed you"

**Differently**

"I'm not"

* * *

"I have to." _Because I need you._

**You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again**

"Jack, please" He didn't want to look at her, and she didn't blame him, but she needed him to acknowledge her even if he would never understand.

"We're done here." He didn't understand.

**You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again. **

Cold and defeated: the last time he looked at her. She knew from his perspective that she deserved it and she let him believe that for the same reason she didn't tell him that he would also be killed, and why she agreed to the blonde woman's request.

She felt weak and helpless and vulnerable all at the same time. The urge to escape settled deep within her and for once she resented her restless nature. She continued to plead with him, though he won't look at her, until the blonde woman came back into the room. She almost told him, why she really was in there, the words getting caught in the back of her throat. The last time she saw him, his back was facing her, muscles flexed as ran his hands through his short cropped hair, and she knew that he has tears in his eyes.

**You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again.**

And then the bag was pulled over her head again, this time darkness a welcomed consequence.

This is how she leaves him; broken and not even sure how he got that way.

**You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again.**

Finish

* * *

A/N: In case it wasn't clear, the frequenr 'line breaks' with the quotes were moments from the show when I thought that Jack really "saw" Kate. I know that there are many other jate moments like the cave-in but I wanted moments that focused on Kate. Hope everything was clear and hope you enjoyed. Please review! It's the only way a writer knows what she's doing wrong or right. Thanks! 


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